Just when I think things are going well…….”M.L.” pulls the rug right out from under me!!!!!!!!!! If I knew how to type a ‘scream’, I would do that. Unfortunately, I don’t. Of course, no one reads this f***ing blog anyway……but it gives me an outlet.
Woke up at 4::30 am (it’s now 6:26)…..dug out some cigarette butts to smoke (yeah, I know, I’ve got a MAJOR problem)….had a cup of coffee….played around on the computer…then, since I was supposed to have the truck towed to IF&A today for a quote & repair, thought it best to balance my checkbook against the online statement. BIG MISTAKE!!! Well, not really. Just shows how totally inept, useless, hopeless I am.
Thing is (and it’s a good thing I didn’t give Marcia that $120 she was hassling me for) if I have the truck towed and repaired, I have to pay them. IF it only costs what they quoted me last time (which is highly unlikely), that will leave me with approximately $50 cash until I get my financial aid refund….which won’t be until the 3rd of February.
So I can’t pay the internet, can’t pay the rent, can’t pay the electricity…..can’t afford to let the internet go since I’ve got an online class in January….can’t let the rent go since they’ll evict us. OK, so the internet is $30 (but I probably owe $60 now). The rent is due Jan. 1st and that’s $33. The electricity, well, I owe them $35 at the moment.
Problem is, we need the damn truck running! And this is going to cause a MEGA argument with Nathan. He doesn’t seem to realize that we have NO money coming in whatsoever. And that we’re depending solely on my financial aid. Not to mention the expenses for him (little things and not often, but they do add up). And of course there was the $300 or $400 I spent on the driving school in order to get his license. I don’t blame him for not passing the first 2 times…it happens.
It’s just me, I guess. Nothing like “M.L.” to make me feel like the total fucked up failure that I always knew I was. Hell, I was told that often enough over the years. Get told something often enough, you end up believing it’s the truth. Oh, well, time for a coffee. Looks like I’m going to take the early bus to Walmart (get the food….well, everything except the warm bread Nathan wants)….and a pack of cigs (which I know I can’t afford….but right now the stress is driving me nuts).