Still haven’t slept. Nathan got up alittle while ago; came downstairs for a smoke…and, before he could tell me off for smoking too much, I snapped that I hadn’t slept at all so don’t bother yelling at me. Lack of sleep can really do a number on your psyche! Not to mention your attitude. I didn’t mean to snap at him….guess I thought I was being “proactive” (since I KNOW he would’ve said something)…..Wish I wasn’t such a bitch at times!!!
Anyway, just finished making his lunch & getting his stuff organized. We may NOT be moving out of state after all….since he says to do so would require money (which we do not have). So I’m caught between a rock and a hard place, I guess. Nearly a senior citizen; living in a small-ish town; no way would I commute to Greensburg or Pittsburgh; no jobs to speak of here (although that COULD change between now and when I graduate)….no jobs that I’m able to do, that is. I’m sure Walmart would take me back (they even said I was “re-employable” or something like that. Unfortunately, physically I can’t do the job. Can’t do it emotionally either, unless they want to have a cashier who has panic attacks all the time & can’t function. Even I wanted to commute to a bigger town/city, we don’t have 2 vehicles (and can’t afford a 2nd one anyway).
It’s ironic in a way. When I lost my job at Central Tax and then the part time one at TNS, and then got accepted as an undergrad at IUP, I believed that was God’s plan, that I was where He wanted me to be. And it’s been great! I’ve learned so much (and not only from the classes, from the people I’ve come across as well). And I know I can make a difference – given my life experiences and now my educational background. But….how to do that?
The economy sucks right now. Yes, there are alot of new jobs available nationwide – Marcia posted a link about that, saying there are 97 million new jobs….but they’re all part time. And they don’t specify in what industries either. I suppose I could somehow manage to take the state civil service test in Johnstown – although getting there in winter would be a problem since no one is willing to drive me there & back. That doesn’t mean I’d be offered a job, much less an interview, after taking the test.
How can I make a difference without being given the opportunity? How do I find the opportunities? And if they’re out of state, how the hell would we be able to move out of state and set up a new household? There’s moving expenses, rent & security deposit, utilities, etc., etc. It all takes money that we don’t have access to.
Here I am rambling on & on. Put it down to lack of sleep and stress. Maybe too much caffeine as well, since I had to make sure I was awake to make his lunch & make sure he woke up in time to go to work. It helps to “spill my guts” and “rant” here on the blog though. Better than keeping it all inside and having it go around in my head like my brain is stuck on the spin cycle!