More Thoughts….

Published August 18, 2013 by mamapossum1954

This so totally sucks!!!! I’ve had “anxiety” attacks since coming back tot he USA, but was fine once my family doctor put me on the antidepressants. Then, of course, I lost my Medicaid (because the CAO, and the government, in their infinite wisdom said I was making too much on unemployment!….apparently, according to them, my son and I were only allowed to make up to $150 per month for me to qualify for medicaid….who the hell can live on that?????). It wasn’t until the break up of my friendship with Leanne a few semesters ago that things came to a head and erupted. I’d been off my meds for maybe over a year….Fortunately, Marcia took me to the clinic (which is no longer there next to Starbucks) and I paid to see a doctor to get a prescription. That worked out well because I had repeats and when they ran out, the doctor would just call in another one to walmart. Well, then the owner/doctor retired & closed his practice, didn’t he???

I don’t have medicaid, but I do have I-Care through the hospital, which does NOT cover getting prescriptions whenever I run out. I’d have to apply for the WeCare program. But – in order to do that, I’ve got to apply for medicaid (again) and gets turned down and take the denial letter to WeCare. Which all takes time, of course. And I don’t know how Nathan’s wages will affect my eligibility for that.

But last night/early this morning, I was so tense and anxious and having what I recall as a panic attack…..Then, I just had another one. Of course, taking Benadryl doesn’t really work. I don’t know whether taking one of those would aggravate the problem. I do know, however, that I do NOT want to go back to how I was with the panic attacks all the time. And it isn’t a case of just “calming down” or taking slow, deep breaths or doing relaxation exercises. If I could DO relaxation exercises, I wouldn’t be tense, would I??? So here I sit caught between a rock and a hard place and a deep chasm in the middle with a very small ledge to stand on. I hate it!!!!!

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